happy fathers' day

3rd sunday of june, father's day. my poor dad is working today and i thought ok i shall be nice and make dinner tonight. as much as i dislike cooking, sometimes i try to cook when there's no dinner at home. working life has really made me dread eating out meaning foodcourt stuff. i still enjoy eating out at nice places, just not the usual chicken rice/duck rice/ wanton mee kinda fare. as it is, every lunch break is already a chore much less dinner or weekends at home.

i used to be very close to my dad. from a very young age, he was the one always bringing me out, filling my childhood with activities and showering me with gifts. he's a loving father and husband alike. he would never say no to me and would buy me anything i wanted. toys, books, food, dog, etc. even though the weekends were always the same bout of stuff but i really have him to thank for instilling reading in me, for me knowing how to swim at a young age, for me never asking anyone for anything, for teaching me how to ride a bicycle, for me always having the best stuff since young, for telling me stories before bedtime, for keeping secrets til today and for everything that i am today.

we grew apart when i hit secondary school. sometimes, the love of an asian father is different when their little girl grows up. they aren't as affectionate as before and for my father, he respects my privacy and never tries to interfere with me growing up into an adult. he knows that some things are better to let me fend for myself and to learn myself but trusts that i know what should or should not be done.. as such, the closeness since young faded and friends took over a huge part of me and while he worked his ass off for the family, we slowly started spending lesser time together but i never stopped respecting him, we just hung out alot lesser.

my dad is like no other dads out there. he is one in a million and i love him. he works hard to provide the best for the family, he does all the housework and never lets his wife and daughter do anything because he insists that our hands will become ugly, he wakes up early on his off days to do marketing so that the family gets the freshest food from the market, he does not go out to drink or breaks up the family with temptations, he is so knowledgeable it's not funny, he is kind to animals and he does not want or need anything from me now that i am working. he is always rejecting me when i suggest going for nice dinners or when i want to buy him something nice. there are too many good things to say about him and people are always telling me the reason why i am still single is because i look to find someone like my dad and there no such other person existing!!

i hope i am successful in whipping up some of his favourite dishes tonight. i am so stressed cos dad himself is a very good cook. i know that even though the food sucks, he is going to tell me that it's yummy. even just frying an egg and cooking maggie mee for him, he was already boasting to my mum that i cooked for him...hehe.

i am pushing thirty now but i am still daddy's little girl and i wonder what will i do without him. its no wonder he always screens the boys i bring home, he knows they wont be able to look after me the way he does. sigh, the worries of having a daughter!

life for rent

today, i learnt that life is really very short. too short for us to judge, to take it for granted, to be sad , to well, a million things. what happens when you only have one year to live or when a loved one is left with a short span of time? how is one going to make the most of it and how are you going to cope with it when all's lost? naively, i wished never for any of the two i mentioned to happen. cold as i am, i deal with grief badly. strangely, i can sit here and just think of any of the people dear to me leaving this world and i find those bitter tears creeping out of my tear ducts instantly. i really hate for it to happen one day. forever to me should never be associated with being gone. it's too tragic an event for me to digest.

someone i know does not have much time left. although i am not very close to him but i did spend some good times with him and i respect him a great deal. i really don't know how i will be affected when the time comes. sometimes, you will never know until you lose that person. i try to make the most of it now when given the chance and i try to minimise the pain and sorrow for those around him. it's easier for me to do so as i am not directly involved. i wish and pray everyday that things can pick up. good people like them should never be put through this.

it's really hard to always remain positive for pple who are down. when you cant find the right words to say or nothing you say can better the situation, sometimes i think silence is really the best answer. i am sure they have had enough of people telling them the same things over and the last thing they wish for is really you adding on to what they already know.

cutting the long story short, i think alot of us have taken our lives and health for granted. when something like this happens, we realise that there isnt more time to rent or prolong so that you can do the stuff you've always wanted to do or finish up whatever you're halfway through. so while the victim tries to get over this mind boggling fact that they will be leaving us soon, i think the best we can do is to spend as much time as possible, make the days left bearable and not wallow in grief and pity only to make things worst for everyone around them. so i guess it brings me to writing that health is above all things and that with good health is only then you can enjoy the rest of the good things life brings.

for what it's worth

sometimes one makes a decision and wonders if it's all worthwhile. sometimes it takes a long time to find out, sometimes you never get to find it out, sometimes you learn that maybe whatever decisions you made you actually dont care about it anymore after some time while sometimes, you get paid handsomely for it.

so while i may have made a few decisions which people do not agree with but to hell with it. it's my decision not theirs. if they cant be happy for me then so be it. i've got better things to worry about than what others think or feel. while it may not always be about me but i think the decisions i've made so far are really just about me and i do not think i owe anyone any explanation or warrant any smart ass comments at all. think about it, i may not have made the right decision but i sure have been kind to you and your decisions. so just give me a break.

i find myself careful with what i say to people these days. it's easy to see who really is concern about you and what you've been up to and those who just wants to know the down side of things. ask smarter questions next time and dont think for a minute there i do not know what you're driving at or what you're hoping for. i dont need you to tell me 'i told u so.' did you think for a minute there that it didn't cross my mind when i made that decision? of cos it did but i want it this way and i will live with it. worry not, i will not bore you with the bad details if any.

on another note, i think i am actually really happier these days. minus a small boo boo this weekend, but all's been good. really good. almost hard to believe. while i stay firm with the decisions i've made and be it good or bad, i'm staying with it. actually, i don't really care about the outcome of it because i prefer to live the moment than make big plans and force things to happen. it really does not work that way. so while i live in this happy moment, i hope everyone out there is also very happy with the decisions they have made and i hope everyone's decisions will be worth it :)

in a week

wat a week for me! tiring as it was, i think i've taken a huge step forward. being there when most needed,learning from mistakes at work, learning to not sweat the small stuff, learning not to take your health for granted, learning men are still crappy and learning that after all these years, i think i'm still welcomed =)

i guess i'm not good at taking stress. it actually already shows on my every sleepless sunday nights. so to add on to work stress, came other stresses which caused me to chop my locks off. did i love the new look? not quite. lets hope the hair grows out nicely in the next 2 months.

i've also decided to eliminate mr loser out of my life. i swear a man of 30 something should really know how to text a lady right. esp when you're trying to score a date with her. seriously, i really wonder whatever got him to think that i needed ego boosters from him everyday. i'm not 18 years old. i am not in the 'figuring myself out' phase. so bye leslie darling, better luck next time.

dreading next week of work. i wonder what is on my plate since my mistake has been highlighted to the COO by her pet. how i am going to clean up this non-existent mess and how i am going to still work together with the person who complained about me. sigh, works a bitch. sometimes, i really wish i can give these people a piece of my mind. not now, not when i still need a job and the economy is not picking up.

i also watched 'drag me to hell' this week. i cldn't believe people still do this kind of self claimed scary movies. crappy, predictable and unreal. i prefer asian scary movies anytime. these ang mohs really need to learn to make a really scary, disturbing movie and realise that sound effects is not all to a horror movie. like what my friend says, sam raimi should just stick to spider man instead of trying to change genre. we had a good laugh indeed.

dinner everyday of the week was great. i think i over ate this week. visited kazu san, had lovely thai food, taiwan japanese fusion food, hainanese curry rice and soup restaurant just to name a few. so stuffed. next week, hotpot date with linda when she returns. also on my list - fish head steamboat, buckeroos, duck rice at pasir panjang, hokkien mee at beach road. i choose to blame it on the hormones for my piggy thoughts :)

i also need another holiday,. prefably an island holiday where there's nothing to buy. just need to get away from the city for abit. it's crazy here really, and too hectic. so girlies, shall we go to langkawi? tiger flies there now. lets try to plan something for sept maybe since there's a long weekend for Hari Raya. i really cant wait.

lets hope next week is better one for all. ta!

one friday night

wessex estate...ahh the charm of those colonial houses, how i love thee amongst civet cats and snakes. it's time to go over to hang at rogers' and enjoy the serenity of portsdown, maybe take a nap on the hammock under the tree with his white shepard.

chanced upon this super chillax watering hole yesterday while looking for a place for good conversations and drinks. minimalistic, charming, engaging, i like this place. they have a quirky sense of service there, they only served cocktails indoors and beer/champagne and wine outdoors. needless to say, i didnt get to taste the yummy cocktails as i always choose to go alfresco. a long bar was all they had inside and bar stools were actually replaced by retro chairs of different sorts, not one was repeated. i found myself surrounded by mtv vjs and yuppies, the place had quite an atas crowd. good thing is you don't find rowdy caucasians who are ever ready to pick you up like regular bars, i guess location is key.

all in all, my night was well spent, had fabulous company, ran into a dear friend, four hours flew by in a flash. i reckon klee is a place i would be back to clock in more hours. delightful find, it was one of the best fridays ever.

thirty one

last thursday was my folk's 31 years of marriage. 31 long years! well to me it's loads, i've yet to maintain a relationship for 3 whole years! while they have a happy marriage, i am not too sure if i want mine to be as stagnant. good kind of stagnant but well, kinda boring to me. i yearn for a love to take me through a long time, the kind that only others read of, the kind that gives you the extra heartbeat, the kind that he is your best friend, the kind that you give your all and not the kind that we're together after so long because we are so used to each other kind of crap. i like the thrill of the chase. and really, good luck to me.

i wondered to myself how people of our parent's generation do it. they marry their first loves of high school sweethearts or neighbours, have kids and then just wait to carry grandchildren. divorces were so frowned upon and tongues would wag once someone in the family has a failed marriage. seriously, are people from their time that shallow? what's wrong with people falling out of love or realising that they want different things now? did they not realise that shit happens? are people not allowed to make bad or wrong choices? why should people feel a sense of shame and wallow in self pity instead of making the best out of the unchangeable situation? it might be easy for me to say but they also know that i am darn right about it.

noone even raises an eyebrow when one is divorced these days. its like a trend some may say. while i am not a sadist and going all pro on divorces, i respect people who are willing to accept that it's not working out and doing something about it. it will save ALOT of grief. for themselves and their partners and children alike. why should anyone live in denial or have a make believe fairytale of a happy family when clearly it's not the case? why should anyone be denied of a possible VERY HAPPY second or third or fourth marriage? not everyone finds true happiness at one and really, noone really cares because it's your life and not theirs anyway. so chin up please to those who are in anyway directly or indirectly involved, life is really how you make it out to be and you can decide if you want to live it happy or not.

funny how the post diverted to divorces when actually i had wanted to write about marriages and monogamy. haha. i guess that only happens in our parents times - great marriages and monogamy. they are basically - content with a routine lifestyle, only contact with people are their family and workmates, only places they go to are offices and dinner fixes(with their family of cos). they do not attend social events of any kind and if they do, they actually find it a drag, holidays are only with families, they have lost contacts with their so called good friends.

thinking through, i wonder if that was what that made the years of good marriages of our parent's generation? if that was really the case, is it all worth it and are we willing to lead a life like theirs if we want the kind of years that they have with each other? for me now, i really hate to imagine if my life would ever inch that way cos it sounds so utterly boring and obviously very small. i would definitely still love having my friends around, i would still go out to nice places, i would still go on romantic dates with the husband sans kids. who knows, maybe i am wrong, but that's how i want mine to be if i ever do get hitched.

xoxo

so i spent a part of my long weekend checking out what the hype about gossip girl was. i was kinda excited when the dvd landed in my hands. i wondered if i would be as hooked on it as i was with greys and SATC.luckily for me, it was only alright. the storyline was flat and kiddy. i mean, its about high school kids. apart from the beautiful clothes that blake lively wore,it was all kinda predictable. how young jenny tried to fit in with the in crowd, how the guy that noone ever notices hooked up with the most popular girl, how the bad boy finally falls in love. i wonder why they bothered to make another series after the OC with basically just another set of casts. i think GG was written by the same person??

maybe season 2 will take a turn, i hope they do though. at least show them in college and maybe be more scandalous! haha...who doesnt love a scandalous plot? if i want to watch something normal, i might as well watch myself right?

i was mostly watching out for blake lively. wat she was gonna wear next. great bohemian style, very sienna miller. the whole i just got out of bed hair, the scarves on the head, the necklaces, the vests and the dresses. since i cant shop now, nothing wrong with admiring. not that i had her style, but its nice, to admire. thumbs up for whoever that was styling her. brillant! she can wear a garden on her and still look good.

i'll be watching season two just for her. :)